The Darkest Hours Before The Dawn
by GleeGeneration23
Summary: When Ross distraught over Donna's death and feeling alone takes drastic action that leaves his family devastated and desperate to pick up the pieces of what's left. Triggers for drug use, and attempted suicide, hopefully a three-shot, hope to update soon, please read and leave a review.
1. Twilight

**Hi Everyone, This is my new story based on the Barton Family and the incredible Ross Barton played by the incredible Michael Parr, who in the aftermath of Donna's death has just been brilliant**

**This is what I hope to be a three-shot (no longer than five chapters) of the aftermath of everything that has happened on Ross, and how it affects the rest of the family-most of this chapter is in Pete's point of view but other characters will heavily feature as well. **

**I will try to update as soon as I can but I just got back from Holiday and I'm due back at college at the end of the week so it might be a bit slow **

**This story heavily features attempted suicide and the misuse of alcohol and drugs so if this is triggering to anyone It would be best if you stop reading now. **

**As Always Please Read and Review and let me know what you think...**

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The Darkest Hours before the Dawn

When Ross distraught over Donna's death and feeling alone takes drastic action it leaves his family devastated and desperate to pick up the pieces.

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Chapter 1-Twilight

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It was the last day. The last day where Ross woke up feeling sick and disorientated and filled with a deep sense of churning guilt. The last day where he woke up feeling tired, where all he wanted to do was sleep but yet he couldn't because every time he closed his eyes he saw Donna's body as she fell and every time he opened them he felt so tired he wanted to just lie in the dirt and let Marlon kill him.

But when he woke up today he smiled (or grimaced more like) because he knew that today would be the last day. His last day. Today was the day that Ross Barton was going to die.

He staggered before standing up swallowing down the bile that had risen in the back of his throat and made it to the shower without throwing up-an improvement on the other week, once showered he dressed in his oldest and most comfortable pair of joggers and a warm black jumper and his black shoes.

Walking downstairs he grunted at Andy who muttered something about spending the whole day with Katie (that made sure that he would be out for the whole day and Debbie would probably ask Pete to help out with Jack and Sarah so that would take care of him.) Everyone else was at work and that ensured that nobody was going to disturb him.

He pulled out the packets of pills he had stolen from the cabinet upstairs. He didn't know half of what he was going to take but looking at the sheer volume of stuff he was intending to take it would defiantly do the job, he reached for the bottle of vodka he had bought just yesterday and opened the first packet.

Ross had entertained the thought briefly of leaving a note-but what the hell was he supposed to say? To his dad that he now had the three boys he wanted the three farm boys that didn't steal cars or get shot. To Pete that he know had the happy ending he so desperately desired-him Debbie and the kids. To Finn that he was now safe and that nobody could ever come after him.

To April that she was without a mother because of what he had done?. What was he supposed to write to his family? No it was better that if he did this with a clean slate. Like he just faded from existence.

He opened the bottle of vodka and unscrewed the cap and began to down the last lethal cocktail. When he was halfway through the bottle and all the pills had been took, there was as considerable darkness around his eyes and his vision was swimming.

The last thought he had before he fell of his seat and crashed into unconsciousness glass from the bottle shattering over the floor was Donna.

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It wasn't until nearly three hours later, when Pete who had been babysitting Sarah, (who had claimed she was too ill for school) received a text from Debbie saying that Ross hadn't been into work and if when he had a minute could he check on his destructive little brother. Pete hadn't said much as Ross spent most of the days now either indoors or alone in one of the fields by the barn near the farm and any chance to talk to him had just dragged Ross further into his shell of self-loathing. However as Sarah (who had now made a rapid recovery when she had realised that Pete was going out) needed her book from Andy's place and using her new key Pete let the nine year old scamper into Andy's house while he tried to text Ross.

He was talking to Cain who had just showed up when Sarah came running out her little face confused "What's wrong sweetheart?" Cain asked bending down to her level "He won't wake up" Sarah said "Who won't wake up" Pete said moving around her so he was level with the door "Daddy?" Sarah shook her head "Ross" she said flatly.

Pete stared at her for half a second before running into the house. And it was a sight that made his stomach turn over. On the floor of the kitchen on his stomach was his baby brother. He looked like he had fallen off his chair and glass from the half empty vodka bottle on the floor had shattered into his hands and his head, there were pill packets scattered all around him. "Ross!" he choked falling to his brother's side, "What the hell have you done?" he cried pulling Ross upwards so he was leaning on his chest his head lolling against his chest.

He fumbled blindly against his brother's neck, hands trembling as he tried to locate a pulse and he almost cried in relief when he felt something week fighting back.

"We need to get him to hospital" Cain said from the corner of the door, "I don't think that we the time for an ambulance, Pete" he grabbed Pete's face and knelt down next to him "We haven't got time to wait we need to get him in the car and to the hospital"

Blinking back tears Pete nodded hoisting Ross up by the waist as Cain grabbed his legs, letting Cain get Ross into the car Pete scrambled up and grabbed all of the pill packets. "Pete" came a cry from the end of the street and looking up he saw Finn running down the street "What the hell happened?" he half-asked half-howled "Get Dad and get to the hospital" Pete said sliding into the car with Ross's head in his lap "What the hell has he done?" he asked "Just get Dad and get him to hospital!" Pete yelled through the glass.

And with that Cain put the car into reverse and they sped off.

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When they arrived at the hospital the Doctor on duty had took one look at Cain and Pete carrying an almost comatose Ross and they took action. There was a swarm of Doctor's around his body prodding and poking his little brother's body and Pete could see the looks that they were sharing. "What did he take?" the Doctor said looking grim "All of this" Pete said grimly clumsily throwing them the pill packets "And half a bottle of vodka" the Doctor nodded. "Did he take it with the intention of taking his own life?" he asked and Pete swallowed heavily feeling something wet in his eyes because he realised that he didn't know. He had no clue whether or not that had been Ross's intention, he didn't know if he had been so depressed lately-if he had been so deep into something that Pete couldn't protect him from, that this had been his only option.

God he was a shit big brother.

"We don't know" Cain cut in "but probably" he grabbed Pete and half dragged him over to a chair as if sensing the younger man's legs were close to falling out. He watched the Doctor's move Ross into a side room unable to speak.

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It was nearly half an hour later when the door opened and his dad came in followed by Finn, Debbie, Chas and Adam. His dad looked wreaked, having to come to the hospital twice in the past two months because both of your sons had ended up their having been found in highly suspicious circumstances did that to you.

"What the hell happened?" his dad asked voice trailing off at the look on his eldest face "Pete, where's Ross? What happened? Finn said something about Sarah finding him collapsed on the floor…" he stared at Pete for a long moment, who was staring at his hands unable to look his dad in the eye. How were you supposed to tell your father that his son had tried to commit suicide?

"Peter" his dad said in a voice that Pete had never heard before "Peter where is my son?" Pete shrugged unsure of what to say. "He's in with the Doctors" Cain said "He…" he paused as if struggling with what to say and Pete noticed how his eyes seem to rest on Debbie as if to reassure himself that she was there and not in the hospital bed. "He tried to kill himself Dad" he said flatly looking up at his father.

"What?" Finn said his voice louder than anything Pete had heard him and in the silence of the room it greeted on his ears. "Don't be daft Pete, this is Ross were talking about…" he trailed off eyes widening in horror when he realised that Pete wasn't saying anything, wasn't laughing this off as one big joke. "How…" his dad croaked eyes flitting to the door where the Doctors were trying to save Ross or maybe they had given up and Pete swallowed against the rising images "Took a load of pills" he mumbled "Downed them with vodka and was unconscious when I got there, there was barely a pulse".

His dad sat down heavily at that point his hands burying themselves in his jacket one of them brushing down Pete's arm as if to assure himself that his eldest was still here.

What was it about their family? Why was it always them? Ross was supposed to be the indestructible one, the one that nobody could harm. The one Pete realised with shining clarity that he was supposed to protect.

And as the Doctor's continued their work in the hospital trying to save Ross, and his dad and brothers sat their falling to pieces Pete just sat and wondered by how much he had failed.

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**Like I said Please Leave a Review I hope to update shortly**


	2. Midnight

**Hi Everyone this is the second chapter of The Darkest Hour Before The Dawn, It's all from James point of view which is difficult to write so I'm not sure how this turned out so please let me know. **

**First Off I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has read, and review and favourite and followed this story I had no idea that this would take off the way it has so thank you for all the kind things you said especially the reviewers who thought I handled the subject with sensitivity it means a lot. **

**There will probably be another two chapters depending on length-if I can fit it all into one chapter I will but I doubt this story will be longer than five chapters. **

**This contains Triggering warnings of suicide, drug use and alcohol abuse so if that creates a problem please stop here. **

**Disclaimer-I have a nasty habit of forgetting these so I'll just say that Emmerdale isn't mine otherwise significant things would be different. **

**As Always Please Read and Review-I will try to update as quick as I can but I warn you with college starting soon it might be difficult**

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Chapter 2-Midnight

In which James reflects on the past, the Barton's have a stress-filled night and the fight for Ross continues.

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They had been sat there since three, it was now nearing eight, five hours having passed and there was still no sign of what was happening between the closed doors. The only thing that was really keeping James in his seat was the fact that if the unthinkable had happened, (he couldn't even say it in his head for fear it might be true) they would come out and tell him.

It was a double edged sword however as it meant that his boy had done so much damage to himself and had sunk so low that the damage required was nearing five and a half hours to fix. Chas hadn't left but neither had she attempted to comfort him, she had simply sat opposite him silent but always with a small smile when he looked at her. It was a vicious circle he supposed, she had been her once with Aaron and had watched him inflict injuries on himself unable to control what was happening. Always wondering if it was enough what you had done. Seeing the signs only when it was too late.

But God, this was Ross. This was his baby, this was his indestructible, unbreakable boy that had always reminded James more of himself that anyone. Finn had been Emma's boy through and through and Pete reminded him so much of John-steady and reliable and Ross was just unpredictable, uncontrollable and so like James it was uncanny. The last time he mused that Ross was in hospital like this he had been five and had been having his appendix out but that was nothing compared to this.

How had he missed it though? Everything with Gary North, Donna? How had he missed the signs of Ross slipping and struggling until he thought that this was his only option? The worst of it was, was how scared Ross must have been while all of this was happening, how he must have wondered if he was living from each day to the next not knowing which one was his last.

Pete was sat next to him leaning back, he had taken to pacing up and down and then sitting down unable to sit still. Finn had been the opposite on the other side of him stock still barely unable to breathe. Debbie had gone home to her kids and Cain had gone to see Moira and Adam leaving the four of them in the hospital.

They didn't speak to each other. It was easy that way James thought because at least that way there was no reasons to share his failings with his sons and nobody was trying to speculate what was happening, which he was grateful for-he's own self-consciousness was doing a brilliant job of torturing himself without his son's adding to it.

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It was nearing the sixth hour and just when James frayed mind thought it couldn't take it anymore and the bile he had choked down several times came upwards again the door opened and the Doctor came out. He was young with light blonde hair and was about three years younger than Pete which wasn't reassuring but he looked blandly his blue eyes meeting James as he forced himself to stand up and face the Doctor his legs only shaking a bit more than he would have liked them to. Both Pete and Finn stood up to and Chas flitted next to him her presence their but not intruding and James once again felt grateful that he had someone who knew what this was like and therefore seemed to be able to tap into what he was feeling.

The Doctor seemed to calm and to confident and to quiet and that could only mean one thing-the one thing he had been trying not to think off had happened that he was here to tell him that his beautiful dark haired dark eyed rambunctious boy was dead and then he would watch as James legs went out and he was unable to do anything, unable to protect his sons had utterly failed as a father, breaking the one vow he had made to himself the first night after his wife had left.

"Mr Barton" The Doctor said without preamble cutting off his train of thought "The good news is, is that Ross alive," and wasn't that just music to James ears "He did an immense amount of damage to himself however, he damaged his head and there was glass from the vodka bottle in his head and hands, that we had to remove, there was the pills which we had to pump from his stomach along with the alcohol and then we had to treat the scratches on his wrists."

"Sorry what" Pete said his voice up an octave in shock but James knew in the only way a father could what was coming and he closed his eyes in preparation for the blow that he knew was going to cripple him "The scratches" the Doctor said looking at the four of them bluntly "There are scratches on his wrists that indicate several attempts at self-harm and we had to clean them up at the risk of infection."

"So what happens now?" Chas asked as if sensing (the wonderful woman that she was) that none of the Barton's could ask. The Doctor sighed "To be honest with you" he said flatly "It's a sheer miracle that he's alive, he flat lined twice while we were working on him and we were convinced the second time was it. Either someone is looking out for your son or he's one hell of a fighter" he paused "For now were gonna keep him under sedation and when he wakes and then we might precede with a physiatrist's evaluation before he's discharged but for now…" he trailed off and it was in that moment that James found his voice.

"Can we see him?" he asked painfully aware of how quiet his voice was and the Doctor nodded once "Yes but I would advise it only as one at a time for now"

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It was decided universally (well James just said it and nobody dared to disagree with him) but James was going in to see Ross. He was quiet when he opened the door and he didn't say anything until he all but collapsed in the chair next to his son who didn't look anything like the brave boy that James had once told bedtime stories to and held when he had nightmares. Ross was covered in tubes stretching and wrapping around him like snakes. There was a tube in his mouth and there was only a steady sound of beeping from the heart machine that indicated that Ross was alive.

Gently he folded his hand around Ross wrist and winced at the bandages that were wrapped around the wrist. "Hey baby" he muttered softly he said brushing Ross's hair back from his face like he used to do when he was three and he would crawl into his bed after a nightmare clutching his teddy. He bit back at sob at that memory and turned to focus on his boy. "I know your hurting right now, I know you think you're alone but I promise you Ross you're not. Just please…" he trailed off unsure of what he could say. It wasn't like they wrote a handbook on stuff like this he thought irritably.

"Please don't die" he said uncaring of the sudden wetness in his eyes uncaring of anything but the boy (because he was still a boy to him) in front of him "Please I promise you Ross" he begged all pride forgotten "I promise you that I'll try and fix this but you don't get to die on me" he trailed off feeling utterly pathetic unsure of what to do, for once in his life unsure of what was going to happen.

This was the stuff his nightmares were made off.

If he hadn't had fallen asleep some time later around midnight-one of the most uneasy sleeps he had ever had in his life but driven by necessity the boys having been dragged home by Chas, he wouldn't have missed the small twitch of Ross's fingers clutched around his hand, a sign of life, a sign that he was fighting or maybe just a sign that he needed his dad as much as his dad needed him.

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**Please Tell me what you think I will update soon x **


	3. Daylight

**Hi Everyone this is Chapter 3! **

**I have decided to write one more chapter after this and then this little story will be finished**

**I would like to say thank you to all who have read and reviewed and favourite and followed this story as I always say it does mean a lot**

**This chapter focuses primarily on the relationship between the Barton's particularly Ross and James-while I think James loves his children I think he does have a more comfortable relationship with Pete and Finn than Ross and I tried to implement what that would mean to Ross growing up, so please let me know if I have wrote this right. **

**Trigger warnings of suicide in here so if it affects you it's best to stop now.**

**Disclaimer- I sadly own nothing **

**As Always Read and Review I will update with the last chapter as soon as I can. **

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Chapter 3-Daylight

In Which Ross wakes up, some home truths are unintentionally delivered and the drama is not over just yet

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There had been no news, Finn knew that because he had kept his phone on and hadn't really slept. He and Pete had staggered home with Chas around midnight and she had sat them down in the pub with a shot of whiskey and let them drink themselves stupid, Finn had ended up curled up with his brother's arm around him and had fallen into an uneasy sleep still clutching his phone in his hand.

Pete had been silent since they had arrived at the hospital locked in his head, numb to the world around him. Finn had been torn between shaking him and leaving him to stew. He didn't know what he needed more, his brother's comfort or answers.

This was Ross, this was the brother that Finn had grown up wondering if he was invincible, when he was little Ross was the smiling, bubbling centre of excitement, who could walk into a room and just become the centre of it. Even when he had been missing Finn had never assumed that something had happened to him, assuming that he had been invincible, indestructible, and untouchable.

All he could think off was the fact that his brother was in a hospital bed, and the last real conversation that Finn had, had with him was to yell at him to tell him that he didn't want him near him anymore.

Was it his fault that this had happened?

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Back at the hospital James had fallen into the worst sleep of his life, it seemed he had been right about this night becoming the stuff of his nightmares, it seemed there was no end to what his sick subconscious could dream up, he imagined everything from him being on the one to walk in on Ross to seeing the signs which he should have seen as his father.

When he eventually did blink his eyes open his pupils straining against the morning light, he realised that something was looking up at him. Two dark eyes, dark eyes that were still as big and as large and as dark as the days where he looked up at James and had asked for a bedtime story.

"Hey" he said softly forcing himself not to reach out and touch his son, to find real proof that he was alive and it wasn't some dream from his sick subconscious. Ross stared at him flatly eyes drained of any emotion. "Talk to me" James begged unable to stop the water from entering his eyes "I need to hear you say something Ross" he said letting the voices in his head demand answers "I need to hear your voice"

Ross looked at him bleakly face drawn and (oh so) very tired looking "I'm a failure" he said flatly staring at his father voice bland "I couldn't even kill myself right"

And that was the exact moment that James Barton broke.

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It was some time later that Pete finally found the balls to walk into his brother's room. He was waiting for 72 hours before they would release Ross and something seemed to be preventing his father from going back into his son's room.

"Ross" he said softly upon entering, his little brother was sat cross-legged staring at his hands, he had changed Pete noticed into his joggers and jumper and socks curtsy of his Doctor, he still had that forlorn look he had possessed for weeks now as well as the look of someone that was eternally tired.

"How you doing?" he asked before wincing at his utter stupidity. Ross shrugged "Fine" he said bitterly "Except I can't seem to die" he let out a hollow laugh and Pete swallowed the bile in his own throat. "Why the hell did you do that?" he asked uncaring about the harshness in his voice, "Why the hell did you let me find you like that?"

Ross shrugged "I wanted to die Pete" he said "I didn't really care about anything else" Pete gaped at the clinical way his brother seemed to be talking "Why" he all but howled "Why the hell do you want that? Why the hell would you do that to me and Finn? Do you have any idea what it was like to tell Dad that you had tried to kill yourself?"

Ross sighed leaning back before curling onto his side, "Leave me alone" he said bitterly "Please Pete just leave me alone"

Pete stared his eyes wide, unable to believe the damage that had been done to his little brother. Blinking back tears for what felt like the umpteenth time, Pete left his brother trapped in the darkness that was his mind.

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It was some time later before James had finally found the balls to enter Ross's hospital room. He had spent the last hour crying in the car unable to comprehend how much damage had been inflicted on his son. By the time he had pulled himself together, it had been past lunch the daylight bright against his eyes.

He squared his shoulders convinced that if he had to get something right it had better be this conversation.

"We need to talk" he snapped bracing himself for the usual snappy retort that followed from his son. Ross was curled up on his side, hands under his head but the small sigh that emitted from him proved that at least he was alive. "I don't care what you say, but I am not leaving this room until you tell me what the hell is running through that head of yours"

Ross turned silently to stare at him, pushing himself into a sitting position "I don't know where to start" he admitted softly and James breathed a sigh of relief because that at least was a start. "Take your time son" he said gently still unsure of whether or not he should make a bid for Ross's hand.

Ross shrugged "I killed Donna" he said flatly "I almost killed Finn, I wreaked Debbie and Pete, I endangered Adam and Moira and Cain and scared you shitless" James shrugged unsure of what to say but Ross continued. "Everything I go near crumbles have you noticed that? I keep trying and bad things still keep happening, and then there was you, I just got tired of being second best to you"

It was like a slap in the face and James ignored caution and reached out and wrapped his hand around Ross's knee anchoring him to the ground forcing him to look at him. "Who said you were second best?" he said through gritted teeth "It's obvious" Ross said bleakly as if reciting a script he had learned very young "I just don't get why, I mean I get I screw things up for you but none of the rest of them are perfect, I mean" he laughed a bitter broken hollow sound, "Pete went around selling Class A's and he still got a hug and an I love you. Can you remember?" he added as an afterthought "The last time you said that to me?"

James swallowed the vomit that was rising rapidly in his throat as his mind tried to replay the last months "It was about four years ago" Ross said with the stunning clarification of a man that had known exactly how long it had been because he had secretly been keeping check.

"I love you son" James said his voice breaking in the middle his mind screaming Failure, Failure. He had failed Ross for so long and this, this was the result. This was the result, Ross in a hospital bed convinced that he was unloved.

"Sure you do" Ross said grimacing rolling his eyes upwards. "I just got tired Dad, I got really tired of everything. I don't know what more you want me to say"

James watched his son turn back onto his side and curl into himself as if hiding from the world, completely broken. "I can't lose you Ross" he said finally settling on bone cold truth "We have our differences, I know but God Ross" he looked up at the ceiling blinking back the tears feeling completely wreaked "I cannot lose you again, not like that, just promise me please…" and he trailed off unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do his walls completely battered, his mind shattered and for the first time in his life completely drained of any will or emotion.

Ross watched him curiously before looking down at his hands again, "I loved her" he said quietly so quietly that his dad almost missed it. "Donna" James said flatly and Ross nodded "We were gonna be together" he said and it seemed that once he had opened the dam there was no stopping him. "We were gonna run away together, and take April with us. I was going to be her new daddy" he laughed without humour "I was looking forward to it. I thought I could be a good dad"

"You will be, one day" James said moving so he was sat on the bed facing Ross "You'll be a great Dad" he paused "What happened to Donna Ross wasn't your fault. She was dying anyway and…"

"She lied to me" Ross cut in lying back on his bed "Yes" James said cautiously "She did but I get why" he shrugged "You don't get it but…when you're a parent your first thought is that you have to keep things normal for your child" Ross shrugged again, "It feels like I'm drowning" he admitted "It feels like I'm just wading through thick water and I don't want to keep feeling like that." He paused and swallowed banging his head on the pillow in frustration "I got her killed" he muttered.

"No" James said quietly "You didn't, she knew what she was doing, you were just a piece of the damage"

"I killed her" Ross said looking up his dark eyes filled with tears the first sign of emotion that he had shown in days "I killed her Dad, I… I…" he choked and James realised what was coming.

He leaned forwards and encased Ross in his arms and with a pang he realised that he was holding his son probably for the first time in nearly four years. His heart ached at the way his son still managed to fit perfectly into his arms.

And then Ross broke.

He was choking on his sobs and shock letting out all the emotions of the past few weeks out. Gently James rocked him back and forth like he would have done when Ross was about three when he had, had a nightmare and would crawl into bed with him crying. Blinking back the tears that were once again in danger of falling James willed himself to be strong, for his son and for his family.

But deep down he had a feeling that today in the daylight had been the breaking point, maybe they could catch a break. Maybe this was the dawn on the edge of the horizon.

Maybe now things could be ok.

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**As Always I will update as soon as I can-Please let me know what you thought xx**


	4. Sunlight

**Hi Everyone this is the last and final chapter of The Darkest Hours Before the Dawn. This story has been an absolute joy to write, and when I started it I had no idea it would become this popular so thank you all...**

**I have been asked to continue my Fanfic's as a series-I don't mind this as I like this fandom so if any of you have a prompt or scenario you would like to write then please feel free to PM me or leave a Review, it can be pre-show or something you wished had happened In an episode or whatever you want. **

**This story contains triggering themes so if that affects you it's best to stop here. **

**Disclaimer-I own nothing (believe me I wish I did)**

**As Always please read and review and ask me anything!**

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Chapter 4-Sunlight

In Which Ross comes home, The Barton's reminisce, Marlon makes an appearance and things finally come to a head.

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It was the next day when Ross finally came home, the hospital having trusted the word of his father that Ross wouldn't be back there soon. Pete and Finn had rocketed up for the occasion and they were both doing wonderful jobs of making Ross feel deeply uncomfortable. The only good news was that Pete had got Debbie to clear off with Andy and the kids and with Adam lurking up at the farm it meant that at least no one would disturb him.

By the time he had staggered back into the flat he was dealing with a pounding headache, thankfully Andy had, had the good sense to clean up the mess on the floor but still looking at it, Ross remembered with a painful clarity the desperate feeling that even now was sweeping across his skin like an old familiar itch.

It was his dad's hand on his shoulder that kept him moving past the kitchen to collapse on the sofa. He was just getting himself comfortable when he realised he was being watched. Looking up he found his dad and two brothers all standing in a horizontal line looking at him like he was about to reach for the nearest vodka bottle.

"You can go" he said flatly "I don't need to you to stand there looking at me like I'm a freak" there was a pause before Pete moved and sat down on the sofa next to him reaching for the TV remote and setting up a DVD, Finn moved to the floor sitting there with his head leaning back on the edge of the seat the two of them giving the complete image of ease despite the circumstances.

"You should go up to the farm and the clear the rest of the day of with Moira" Pete said turning to face his father who was watching them. "Then if you want you can come back"

James shot the three of them a look that seemed to speak volume's catching Pete's eye who nodded as if to say 'don't worry I got this', and Ross rolled his eyes at the worry that was still there. Some old habits did die hard anyway; he couldn't just pretend everything was going to be fine just because he was back home.

When his dad left with the promise that he would be back around lunchtime Finn flicked on the Avengers. Pete caught Ross's eye and they both rolled them in perfect unison, Finn's rather unhealthy obsession with all things geek had been a problematic situation for the both of them growing up and it appeared it hadn't stopped.

They were sat there in comfortable silence, the three of them, Pete on his left occasionally nudging his leg against Ross's as if to ensure he was still sat there watching the movie with them, still alive, Finn had curled himself up in the chair next to them occasionally pointing out the merits of Iron Man and such.

It was like Ross had turned back time nearly six years and they were sat in the living room of their home watching movies-only he wasn't so drained or tired or sick.

It was a knock on the door that dragged him away from his musings and it was Pete who went to open it face weary. If it was there Dad he wouldn't have knocked and deep down Ross knew who was going to be at the door. He pushed himself up trying to give off some semblance of control.

It was Marlon, without Laurel (which Ross was grateful for he didn't need to be told that it would be better off if he had died twice) he pushed himself past Pete who hissed like a scalded cat and stood standing looking at Ross who looked upwards feeling any progress he had made drain away from him leaving him feel vulnerable in front of a man who he couldn't really afford it from.

"What the hell do you want?" Pete snarled moving to the sofa placing himself discreetly between the two of them like a human shield. Finn moved to scrambling upwards so he was leaning near Ross his hand grazing his brother's elbow.

"I wanted to see Ross" Marlon replied looking unnaturally calm "Yeah well he doesn't want to see you" Pete replied digging his hands into fists "He doesn't need to be told that he should have finished the job or whatever you and that bitch" he spat "over the road have to say-so get out"

Marlon looked at Pete in something akin to surprise "I wasn't here to say that" he said through slightly gritted teeth and Finn scoffed slightly under his breath. "Like hell you weren't" he snapped "You and your bloody ex-wife are the reason he did this to himself"

Marlon stiffened at the insult and Ross leaned over and tugged at Finn's sleeve "Let him say what he wants to say" he said tiredly "I have a pounding headache as it is" he looked up only to find the Dingle's eye on him watching intently. He was like a night hawk Ross thought irritably just looking for a moment of weakness so he could swoop down and kill him.

"I just wanted to see if you were all right" Marlon said moving closer only to catch the look on Pete's face "April was worried about her Mummy's friend and it's not really much fun hating you when everyone thinks you're dead" Ross snorted at that unsure of what else to say.

"I just…" Marlon staggered off unable to form the words he knew he wanted to say. "Yeah" Ross sighed acknowledging the elephants in the room. Marlon nodded once more to himself and then turned on his heal and left. There was a slight pause before Pete voiced what he and Finn were both thinking "What the bloody hell was that all about?" Ross sighed "Donna" he said smiling bitterly and he watched as his two brothers exchanged a look.

* * *

It was another hour before James came having taken a much needed break at Chas's. She had convinced him that the boys needed some time to themselves and had made him something to eat and forced him to have a shower. She was practical in the way that Emma never was and had been patient enough to wait until the strain of the last three days had caught up with him and then had gracefully held him while he broke.

He should just ask her to marry him and be done with it. Already she was more of a mother to the three boys than their own had ever been.

It was on this rather puzzling thought that he opened the door to the sound of laughter. He had to check at the threshold to make sure it was the right house that he had entered as well as battle down the emotions that had risen when he realised that this was the first time in nearly five years that he had come home to his boys, knowing where all of them were.

Coming into the kitchen he saw the three of them in much the same positions as when he had left all three of them giggling madly. "Hey Dad" Pete said beckoning him over and even Ross looked up and smiled at him, a soft sort of smile that was more welcoming than anything else. "What you lot giggling about" he said slipping into the chair and watching Ross out of the corner of his eye.

"Just talking about that April fool's day all those years ago" Pete said grinning "When this one" he nudged Ross "decided it would be a good idea to go hide in the barn remember" Ross grinned as Finn looked confused trying desperately to remember "Oh yeah" James grinned feeling the tension drain away "How could I forget that all three of my kids not in their beds when I woke up in the morning" he paused "Put ten years on me that did" he muttered.

"Still" Pete brightened "It was better than the year before when Ross wanted to sacrifice Finn to the cows" Finn squawked in indignation and demanded the story while Ross stood up muttering something about needing a cuppa. Following him into the kitchen James leaned against the door unsure of what to say.

"You don't have to lurk you know" Ross muttered "It seems to be the only way any of us know that you're alive it seems" James bit back and winced when he saw the hurt that flickered in Ross' face "Sorry" he said and Ross shrugged "S'Ok" he muttered looking down "Kinda had it coming"

James swallowed the knot in his throat before moving so he was stood next to Ross hoping that Pete and Finn would stay distracted "Pete text me and mentioned that Marlon came round… You Ok? Do I need to go beat something out of him?"

Ross shrugged and James decided to change tactic least he scare Ross back into his shell. "I need you to promise me that no matter how bad it gets you won't do that again. I don't care about how bad it gets I just can't go through that again, just come and talk to me before it gets that bad or one of your brothers. Jesus Ross you should have seen yourself I can't do that again I won't…I won't lose you, any of you" he trailed swallowing against the blinding pain he had kept locked away, if he fell apart in front of his son then Ross would be picking him off the floor.

Ross was watching eyes still dark and unblinking. "Ok" he said softly "Ok" "Promise me" James insisted uncaring that he was begging "Promise me". Ross nodded "Ok I promise" he said quietly and James leaned forwards wrapping his arms around his son uncaring of the muffled noise of surprise that came from him. They stood there with little to do or say when two other lumps joined them. "We love you really Ross" Finn said from somewhere near James elbow.

"Shut up" came the muttered reply. When they all pulled back Pete and Finn moved back to go put another movie on did Ross sniff slightly and look at James his dark eyes suspiciously bright. "Love you dad" he muttered so softly that unless James hadn't been desperate to hear it he wouldn't have. He smiled relishing the words that he had never really heard since his son had been pre-teens.

"Love you to son" he said "I promise you'll be alright"

* * *

And that night as Ross fell asleep on his sofa with his brothers arguing about something to do with the difference between Iron Man and Captain America and his dad watched with complete indifference, he realised that this was the first night where he hadn't woken up in a cold sweat dreaming of Donna.

He wasn't alright not by a long shot, but as he sat with his family falling asleep to the sounds of their laughter he realised that someday he would be.

And in reality that was really all that mattered.

* * *

**Thank You all so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this story, and please let me know what you think of the last Chapter.**


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